1
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:09,009
Mail call!

2
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,147
Whoo.

3
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:14,448
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!

4
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:15,783
Lookie here.

5
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,052
"Family urkel
Is the proud winner

6
00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:20,788
Of $10 million!"

7
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,056
Ha ha!

8
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,625
Okay. Let's--

9
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:25,826
Uh-oh.

10
00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:28,429
It's judgment day.
Our report cards are here.

11
00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:29,930
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Gimme, gimme, gimme!

12
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:32,066
I'm dying to see what I
Got in advanced calculus.

13
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,401
Yeah! And I'm dying
To see what I got

14
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:36,304
In subatomic nuclear
Macrobiotics.

15
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:40,007
I'm dying to see
What I got in volleyball.

16
00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:41,041
I got straight as!

17
00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:44,178
Aah!
Aah!

18
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:46,747
Ooh! I got
Straight a-pluses!

19
00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:48,616
Aah!
Aah!

20
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:50,584
I got straight cs!

21
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:51,719
Heh heh!

22
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,121
Ohh!

23
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:55,389
Except for these 3 ds.

24
00:00:56,990 --> 00:01:00,060
Oh, yes, well,
That's bad, yes.

25
00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:01,629
Steve: that's bad.

26
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:03,131
Well, buck up, eddo.

27
00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:06,200
Volleyball is a lot tougher
Than it looks.

28
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:07,735
But we got straight as!

29
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,470
[jabbering excitedly]

30
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,183
[sighs]

31
00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:23,584
[door opens]

32
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,060
Hey, dad.

33
00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:34,094
Hey, son.

34
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:35,529
Uh, you got a minute?

35
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,365
Ohh, edward,

36
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,467
My feet hurt,
My back aches,

37
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:43,771
And I got a stabbing pain
Right between my eyes.

38
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,339
Does this have to be now?

39
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:46,540
Yeah.

40
00:01:48,176 --> 00:01:49,510
What is it?

41
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:50,778
Uh...

42
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:51,979
Got my report card.

43
00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:53,847
Oh! How'd you do?

44
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,649
Not so hot.

45
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:03,123
Edward, you got
A "D" in volleyball.

46
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:05,993
Dad, it's a coed class.

47
00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:07,261
I get distracted!

48
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:08,762
You know.

49
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:12,733
Edward, these grades
Are terrible.

50
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,369
Well...Let's look at
The bright side, dad.

51
00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:17,205
At least I passed.
Heh heh.

52
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:20,908
You think
This is funny, son?

53
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,477
No, sir, dad.
Not at all.

54
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:26,314
Edward, there's
Gotta be an explanation,

55
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:29,183
And I would really
Love to hear it.

56
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,453
Edward, say something!

57
00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:36,924
What have you been
Doing all this time,
Goofing off?

58
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,426
I mean--
Out partying all night--

59
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:41,829
Wine, women, and song
At my expense?

60
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,931
Dad, I got one girl,

61
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,165
I don't like wine,

62
00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:47,568
And I haven't
Felt like singing in months.

63
00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:49,737
Well, then, edward,
What is the problem?

64
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,805
Son, I know
You're not stupid.

65
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:55,276
Anybody that can
Con an extra 50 bucks
Out of me a week

66
00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:58,178
Has got to be a genius.

67
00:02:58,246 --> 00:03:00,281
I--I mean,
I don't have any direction.

68
00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:04,184
I don't know
What I want to do
With my life.

69
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:05,319
[sighs]

70
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:07,120
I mean, look at
These courses, dad.

71
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,890
Can you tell me how
"History of western
Civilization"

72
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,091
Is gonna help me
In life?

73
00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:14,228
Yeah.
It's called knowledge.

74
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,996
And knowledge is power.

75
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:19,066
Power that you need
To get you where
You're going, son.

76
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:21,068
Dad, that's just it.

77
00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:23,304
I don't know
Where I'm going.

78
00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:25,773
I mean, I thought that
After 2 1/2 years of college

79
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:29,443
That I'd have a better
Idea, but I don't.

80
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:32,413
Well, let me
Tell you something, son.

81
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,181
I can have sympathy

82
00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:36,083
For somebody who has
Not yet figured out

83
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:37,418
What they want to do
In life,

84
00:03:37,485 --> 00:03:39,653
Because, you know,
It's a tough decision.

85
00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:44,625
But I have no sympathy
Whatsoever

86
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:48,095
For somebody who
Does not try their best.

87
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:49,297
These grades

88
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:50,998
Are unacceptable!

89
00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:06,547
Maxine: thanks again,
Laura, for the dress!

90
00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:08,382
Laura: uh-huh.
Don't spill anything on it.

91
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:10,851
I gotta return it
To vicki tomorrow.

92
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:17,925
Steve, what is
That nasty smell?

93
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:21,329
Eh, I'm just having
Some porcupine taquitos.

94
00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:24,798
Why?

95
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:28,101
I like to suck down
Some porcupine
When I'm depressed.

96
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:29,603
I buy shoes.

97
00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:34,342
You see, max,
I'm in love with laura.

98
00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:35,876
I always have been.

99
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:38,346
But she wouldn't give me
The time of day
In a clock shop.

100
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,981
So I hooked up with
My sexy snuggle buns myra.

101
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:42,316
But lo and behold,

102
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,518
Laura is actually
Starting to like me.

103
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,153
So in the interest
Of fairness,

104
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,188
I have to break it off
With myra

105
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:50,658
So she may snuggle
Another's buns.

106
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,362
Oh.

107
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:55,363
I'm sorry.

108
00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,498
Did you say something?

109
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:02,235
Oh, not really.
I was just
Pouring my heart out,

110
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,905
Sharing my innermost
Thoughts and feelings.

111
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,574
Oh. Bye.

112
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:13,414
Mmm!

113
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:15,449
Mighty fine porcupine.

114
00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:17,184
Wha--oh! Oh!

115
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:18,419
Quill.

116
00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:19,787
Mmm, mmm, mmm.

117
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:20,921
[sucking]

118
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:22,823
Mmm!

119
00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:24,392
Mmm!

120
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,026
Tasty morsel.

121
00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:37,337
Hi, my little
Love basket.

122
00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:39,407
Isn't it a happy,
Zippy, skippy day?

123
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:41,274
Oh, yes, indeedy, sweetie.

124
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,276
On the way over
I said to myself,

125
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,578
Self, I said,

126
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:47,715
You are the luckiest posy
In the flower garden

127
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:50,951
Because your handsome
Bachelor button
Is the best of the bunch.

128
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:53,621
Oh, stop it.

129
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,856
Oh, you're so bashful.

130
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:57,024
That makes me hot.

131
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,225
Okay, myra--

132
00:05:58,291 --> 00:05:59,460
Myra--
Myra, myra, please!

133
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:00,628
Sit down!
Sit down!

134
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,630
There's something
We need to discuss!

135
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,465
Oh, we can talk later
Over dinner.

136
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:06,366
I made us reservations

137
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:08,502
At that romantic
New restaurant, amore's.

138
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:11,038
And, uh,
Wear something sexy.

139
00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:12,473
Rrrr!

140
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:13,974
But, myra, really,
We have to--

141
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,309
Gotta go, stevie.
Mommy and I
Are taking our shar-pei

142
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,111
For a tummy tuck.

143
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:19,447
But it's a dog.

144
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,314
I know, but after
The septuplets,

145
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,651
She never really
Got her figure back.

146
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,556
Oh, boy.

147
00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:43,170
Dad.

148
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,572
Mm-hmm.

149
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:49,276
Uh, I know you're busy,
But, um,

150
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:52,379
I've been giving our
Conversation about college
A lot of thought,

151
00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:56,249
And, uh, well,
I've made some decisions.

152
00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:58,752
Well, good,
Let's hear them.

153
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,387
These bills
Can wait.

154
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,422
The longer I get
To talk to you,

155
00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:05,325
The longer I get
To keep my money.

156
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:07,928
Well, dad, first off,
You're right.

157
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,597
There's no point
In me going to college

158
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,999
If I'm not going
To buckle down and study.

159
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:12,800
Exactly.

160
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:15,068
So I've decided
To drop out.

161
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:20,808
Edward, please,
Tell me that
This is a joke.

162
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:23,376
No, dad, I'm serious.
I've really thought
About this.

163
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,747
Edward, you could
Not have thought
About this whatsoever!

164
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:29,483
Dad, calm down!
No, I will not
Calm down now!

165
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,585
We're talking
About your future.

166
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,386
What you seem to want
To throw away!

167
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,387
Dad, I'm not
Throwing it away.

168
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,889
Yes, you are.

169
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,425
You got a problem
And you're running
Away from it.

170
00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:39,960
You got bad grades,

171
00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:42,162
But instead of
Working hard to bring
Your grades back up,

172
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:45,599
You want to quit.
You want to just walk away.

173
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:46,867
Dad, I'm not walkin'--

174
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:48,936
Yes, you are.
Now you listen to me.

175
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,672
No, dad, why don't
You listen to me?

176
00:07:51,739 --> 00:07:54,307
Now, I was
Up all night
Thinking about this,

177
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:55,743
And I kept
Asking myself,

178
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,278
"What do I want
To do with my life?"

179
00:07:58,345 --> 00:07:59,880
So I made a list.

180
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:04,718
Dad, I want to do
Something that makes
A difference.

181
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:07,354
I want to work
With people that I
Respect and admire.

182
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:10,724
I want a job
That's different and
Exciting every day.

183
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:17,665
And what kind of
Fairy tale job is that?

184
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,033
Hmm?

185
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,401
It's your job, dad.

186
00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:23,103
I want to be a cop.

187
00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:42,790
Creme brule
 And a hot cheese sundae.

188
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,859
Yummers!

189
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:49,529
Mmm.

190
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,800
Sweet nectar.

191
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:56,203
French vanilla ice cream
And melted kraft singles.

192
00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:01,274
Don't tell me
There's no god.

193
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:09,116
Stevie, there's
Some shmutz on your
Chinny chin chin.

194
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:11,118
Oh, oh, I'll get it.

195
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,033
Oh!

196
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,368
There.

197
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:31,672
Oh, ahh, thank you.
You headed off
A tongue cramp.

198
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:38,145
Myra, there's something
 Tres importante
 We need to discuss.

199
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:41,915
Oh, really? Well,
There's something on
My mind, too, stevie.

200
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:44,551
That's why I wanted us
To have dinner
Here tonight.

201
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,920
Oh, well, ladies first.

202
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:50,858
Steven, there's
No easy way
To say this,

203
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,727
But I--
I'm afraid the time
Has come for us

204
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:56,396
To take a long
And hard look
At our relationship.

205
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:59,800
I could not agree
With you more.

206
00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:02,402
We've drifted apart
These past few months.

207
00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:04,471
Exactly.

208
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:05,773
I mean,
You've changed.

209
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,074
Take tonight,
For example.

210
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:09,877
I ask you to wear
Something sexy.

211
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:13,781
Yet I see no tight
Bun-hugging pants,

212
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:17,250
Waistline neatly
Snugged just below
The nipples.

213
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:23,223
No sexy suspenders,
No dashing bow tie.

214
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:27,360
Just that long icky
Thing dangling
From your neck.

215
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,929
You don't like my tie?

216
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,230
Well...
Whoa, whoa,
Wait, wait!

217
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,065
Ow, ow, ow,
Whoa, whoa!

218
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:42,743
What I'm trying
To say is

219
00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:45,813
That I
Desperately miss
The old steve urkel.

220
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:49,182
But, myra, I'm not
The man I used to be.

221
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,383
Steven.

222
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:54,021
I'm breaking up
With you.

223
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:55,723
Excuse me?

224
00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:59,126
Bye, dear steven.

225
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,128
I'll always treasure
Our times together.

226
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:05,065
The midnight polkas,
The all-night
Cheese binges,

227
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:10,070
The first annual
Caterpillar rodeo.

228
00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:14,374
Oh, we lived fast
And played hard, baby.

229
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,182
Au revoir,
 Mon cher.

230
00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:25,152
Au revoir.

231
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:26,686
Yo, taxi!

232
00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:28,088
[whistles]

233
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,309
Hey, welcome to
The lock-up, son.

234
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:52,679
Favorite watering hole
For off-duty police officers.

235
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:54,514
Hey, carl,
Long time no see.

236
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:56,649
Hey, phil,
How you doing?

237
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,618
Hey, so I hear
You're a captain
Now, huh?

238
00:11:58,685 --> 00:11:59,619
Yeah.

239
00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:00,687
What, are you
Too stuck up

240
00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:02,689
To drink with us
Regular guys?

241
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,925
That's pretty
Much it, phil.

242
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:10,197
Hey, uh, phil,
I'd like you
To meet my son.

243
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:12,732
Edward winslow,
Phil d'angelo.

244
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:13,801
Hey, nice to
Meet you, eddie.

245
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:15,168
Same to you, phil.

246
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,837
Your old man's
One of the best.

247
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,671
Yeah, he is.
Oh, well.

248
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:19,907
What'll it be, fellas?

249
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:22,309
Uh, give me 2 beers
And a coke for my son.

250
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,411
Dad!

251
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:25,979
2 beers, phil.

252
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:34,654
Hey, phil and I graduated
From the academy together.

253
00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:36,456
He shot up so fast
Through the ranks.

254
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:39,092
He's got more commendations
Than you can shake a stick at.

255
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:42,863
Oh, then, um, what's
He doing here, dad?

256
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:47,134
Well, one night,
Phil and his partner
Answer a call.

257
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,669
Robbery in progress
At a jewelry store.

258
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,471
Just as they pull up,

259
00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:54,541
The door bursts open,
Robber comes running out,
Clerk right behind him.

260
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,577
Shoots 5 times,
Completely misses
The robber,

261
00:12:57,644 --> 00:12:59,246
Hits phil twice.

262
00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:02,082
Luckily, they were
Both in the head.

263
00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:09,556
Hey, phil was
In the hospital
For almost a year.

264
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:12,059
They gave him a desk job,
But he hated pushing papers,

265
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,693
So he bought this place.

266
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,462
Wow, that's intense.

267
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,265
You think that's intense?

268
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:20,567
See that guy over there?

269
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:21,568
Mm-hmm.

270
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,570
That's jimmy cooper.

271
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:27,908
Jimmy lost his partner
In a high-speed chase
About 3 months ago.

272
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:30,010
Jimmy was driving.

273
00:13:30,077 --> 00:13:33,046
We don't know
If he'll ever
Get off of that stool.

274
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:36,416
I bet if you take a poll,

275
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:40,553
Almost half of the cops
In here have been married
At least twice.

276
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:41,889
Why?

277
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:45,025
Well, police work
Is a highly stressful job.

278
00:13:45,092 --> 00:13:47,260
Some cops
Bring that stress home

279
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,429
And take it out
On their families.

280
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,299
Others hold it all inside
And keep it to themselves.

281
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,734
Dad, why are you
Telling me all
Of this stuff?

282
00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:57,404
Because I'm worried,
Son, that you have
A glamorized image

283
00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:59,907
Of what it takes
To be a police officer.

284
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:04,711
I mean, no question
It's an exciting and
Sometimes rewarding job,

285
00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:10,083
But you need to understand
That there are real risks
Involved here, son.

286
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,187
I realize that, dad.

287
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:18,791
Okay. And is this
Still something
That you want to do?

288
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,293
You bet it is.

289
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:27,267
Hey, listen up, everybody.

290
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:30,770
You all are looking at
One very proud man tonight.

291
00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:36,709
Because my son
Has decided that he wants
To be a police officer.

292
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:38,211
All: alright!

293
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:47,354
Here's to edward winslow.

294
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,356
All: yeah!

295
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:09,209
You look purr-fectly
Scrumptious, batman.

296
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:10,410
[growls]

297
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,647
[sighs]

298
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:15,983
Hey, steve.

299
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:18,085
Hello, laura lee.

300
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:22,889
Well, sir, ma'am,
An era has finally
Come to an end.

301
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:27,027
And I suppose
You're going to tell me
What era that might be.

302
00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:29,696
Myra broke up with me.

303
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,064
You're kidding.

304
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:33,466
She's crazy
About you.

305
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:35,368
And I do mean crazy.

306
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:38,371
She thinks
I have changed.

307
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,240
The way I dress,
The way I act.

308
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:42,475
She says she doesn't even
Recognize me anymore.

309
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:44,511
Well, steve,
It's true.
You are changing.

310
00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:47,547
But if you ask me,
I think it's
For the better.

311
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:52,986
[deep voice]
Oh, really?

312
00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:58,625
Yes, really.

313
00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:02,395
Laura, the irony is
I was going to break up
With myra tonight.

314
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,131
You were? Why?

315
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:08,068
Because I wanted
To have a clear path...

316
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:10,003
Through the jungle
Of love.

317
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:13,106
From your heart
To my hut.

318
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:18,011
Steve, did you have
Wine with dinner?

319
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:21,414
If you're asking
Whether or not
I'm intoxicated,

320
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,483
The answer is yes.
Yes, yes, yes!

321
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:25,185
A thousand times yes.

322
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:28,455
I'm drunk on you, baby.

323
00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:33,693
And I always have been.

324
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:38,731
What am I going
To do with you,
Steve urkel?

325
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,701
Just love me, laura.

326
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,536
Love me like I love you.

327
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:49,008
Come here.

328
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,218
Aah!

329
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:06,559
Myra!

330
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:10,697
Don't you myra me.
How could you
Betray me like this?

331
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,165
Betray you?

332
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:14,534
Well, 2 hours ago,
You broke up
With me.

333
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:17,937
Why, you tossed me
Aside like a smelly
Gym sock.

334
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:21,074
Oh, fish sticks.
I wasn't dumping you.

335
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:24,111
That was a carefully
Orchestrated charade

336
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:28,047
Designed to drive you
Back into my arms.

337
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:30,517
Girl, you really
Scare me.

338
00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:35,288
Steven, if you think
I let you go

339
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:37,290
Just so you could
Get on with your life,

340
00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:39,726
You're one bearded lady
Short of a freak show.

341
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:43,596
Now you're
Scaring me, too.

342
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:46,233
I want you to stop
Being this silly new steve

343
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:50,503
And come crawling back to me
And beg my forgiveness.

344
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:53,072
Please!

345
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:56,075
I'm sorry, myra.

346
00:17:56,143 --> 00:17:58,511
* mama likes
To oom pah pah *

347
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:02,482
* oom pah pah, oom pah
All night long *

348
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:06,519
Stop! Stop!

349
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:09,156
Enough of
The devil's polka.

350
00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:17,997
Now, myra,
This breakup
Was for the best.

351
00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:20,633
Laura and I--
Oh, I see!

352
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,469
It's laura again.

353
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:25,772
It's always
Laura, laura, laura.

354
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:29,942
For the life of me,
I can't understand
What you see in this...

355
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:31,344
Strumpet.

356
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,285
Strumpet?

357
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:40,987
I got your strumpet.

358
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:43,122
Yeah, I called
You strumpet.

359
00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:45,124
So come on, miss red.

360
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:47,860
The red what?
They're red, yeah,
So what?

361
00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:49,196
Girls, girls, girls!

362
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,764
Girls, girls, girls!

363
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,166
Don't fight over me.

364
00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:57,537
Even though it's
My dream come true.

365
00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:05,212
Steven, I've changed my mind
And I want you back.

366
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,517
I'm sorry, myra,
But it's over.

367
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:20,893
This is all
Your fault, missy.

368
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:25,265
You may have
Won the battle...

369
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,934
But you will
Never win the war.

370
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,303
Steven q. Urkel
Is my man.

371
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,739
And I won't let him go
Without a fight.

372
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,359
Aah!

373
00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:55,728
Aah, look
At these gummies.

374
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,608
Ooh!

375
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:12,779
Argh.

376
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,681
[doorbell rings]

377
00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:32,432
No pain, no gain.

378
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:40,407
Myra!

379
00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:42,241
Last chance, steven.

380
00:20:42,309 --> 00:20:45,278
Come back to me now
And all will be forgiven.

381
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:48,881
Reject me and
Suffer the consequences.

382
00:20:48,948 --> 00:20:53,252
Myra, I'm sorry,
But for the last time,
It's over.

383
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,355
Well, then, you
Leave me no recourse

384
00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:56,889
But to take
Legal action.

385
00:20:56,956 --> 00:21:00,327
Steven, I am suing
You for alienation
Of affection.

386
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,262
Oh, puh-lease!

387
00:21:04,331 --> 00:21:05,698
You'd need the best
Attorney in america

388
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,867
To win a trumped-up case
Like that.

389
00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:17,109
Is this
The defendant?

390
00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:18,878
Johnnie cochran!

391
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:21,514
Mr. Urkel, you made
An oral contract
With my client

392
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:23,683
When you professed
Your love for her.

393
00:21:25,352 --> 00:21:27,354
You still have
His science pen,
Don't you?

394
00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:29,722
Right here, johnnie.
Exhibit a.

395
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:30,957
Good girl.

396
00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:32,992
We'll prove beyond
A shadow of a doubt

397
00:21:33,059 --> 00:21:36,363
That you knowingly,
Willfully,
And maliciously

398
00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:38,665
Stole the best years
Of this woman's life,

399
00:21:38,731 --> 00:21:41,100
Leaving her emotionally
Bereft, devastated,

400
00:21:41,167 --> 00:21:43,703
Yes, and worse, single.

401
00:21:45,472 --> 00:21:47,206
But--but she looks
Okay to me.

402
00:21:47,273 --> 00:21:49,342
Wait till you
See her in court.

403
00:21:55,948 --> 00:21:57,417
Don't you start!

404
00:21:57,484 --> 00:21:58,985
Oh, don't you start!

405
00:22:03,790 --> 00:22:04,757
Ha ha.

406
00:22:11,297 --> 00:22:13,600
I'm goin' down.